Luisa Hansal

Maybelline Romantic Mauve 

Haunting by: Grace Connors

Number 322,

The shade of pink reminds me of you,

You held my hand so tightly, even as you were dying.

The ring I was wearing with the pink gemstone setting cut into my fingers,

Drawing blood and leaving a tiny scar.

Number 322,

The shade of pink, and my tiny scar reminds me of you.

My mother keeps boxes full of your belongings in the spare room of the house,

The same house that I grew up in.

She found the nail polish that you wore that day, and everyday.

She texted me saying “I looked again. I found it. Maybelline Romantic Mauve Number 322.”

I have never found a pair of shoes that fit,

All that fits are odd socks and bandaids that have fallen off in the swimming pool.

I wish so desperately for different feet.

Thinking about the way that Bratz dolls had feet that were interchangeable,

A passion for fashion and an indecisive mind, or a hope for something better.

New shoes, high heels, strappy sandals, oh how wonderful, pretty pretty pretty.

I didn’t start walking until I was eighteen months old,

Carried everywhere like a giant fluffy toy that your date won for you at a carnival.

I hang off your arm while you eat cotton candy,

While I hang in a plastic, synthetic tumble.

I am a gigantic and colourful mess, you are embarrassed by my mass,

I bring you oh so much joy knowing that your lover can throw a ball with accuracy into the mouth of a fibreglass clown.

Their accuracy yields such a horrendous prize,

My feet.

The blood rushing away from my feet while I hang upside down like a fluffy toy,

My feet small, misshapen and mangled from all my time spent dangling off your arm.

Filled with dreams of Maybelline Romantic Mauve one day adorning my toenails,

On my misshapen feet to help me feel brave enough.

Brave enough to finally one day stand on my own,

Two feet, and feel,

So tall.

Number 322.

The shade of pink still reminds me of you.